


That Was Then, And This Is Now.

by MissFanficWriter



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-14 21:45:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7191998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissFanficWriter/pseuds/MissFanficWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Robert settles in to his happy new life with Aaron and Liv, a surprising phone call reminds him of his past. Will Lachlan's suicide attempt make Robert realise the consequences of his actions? And can Robert find a way to show Lachlan that it isn't our pasts that define us, but the futures we choose for ourselves?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'll Pray For You.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this fic will be a little hit or miss for some people as I don't think Lachlan is a very popular character. However I just had to write this because I find Lachlan to be such an intriguing character to write about. And I still haven't accepted that Robert just doesn't care about him at all anymore in the show - I find this to be the one aspect of Robert's character that I don't like.
> 
> Anyway give this a chance and let me know in the comments if you'd be interested in reading more. There will be lots of domestic, fluffy Robron and Roblivion scenes in this, as well as a hard hitting storyline about Lachlan.
> 
> For anyone that reads my other fics I'll be trying to update them all at some point this week.
> 
> Title taken from the song Talk by Kodaline.
> 
> Warning: mentions of attempted suicide.

Family. A word that Robert had spent his whole life hating, until now. Now it was the reason he got up in the morning with a smile on his face, the reason his heart felt light and unburdened, the reason he fell asleep in the arms of the man he loved each night. The difference was, now he had a family he wanted rather than a family he’d been stuck with. A family who made him feel loved and wanted. Aaron and Liv were his family. That’s all he needed.

“Orange or apple juice?” Aaron asked Liv as he made her breakfast, buttering a slice of thick toast.

Liv sat at the table of Keeper’s Cottage, earphones stuck in her ears, nodding her head in time to the music. Robert shook his head amused as he walked in to the kitchen. He’d seen her iPod, he knew she listened to Little Mix when she thought no one would find out. Liv’s eyes were glued to her phone, seemingly unable to hear Aaron. Aaron turned around exasperated, a frown upon his face.

“Oi Liv.” he shouted.

Robert grinned, watching the scene before him. This was family. Arguments over breakfast, a mouthy teenager with a heart of gold, a rugged boyfriend with the deepest blue eyes. He found himself just appreciating life lately, pausing for moments just to absorb his own happiness. He’d never before experienced the feeling of content he’d felt since moving in with Aaron and Liv.

Victoria and Adam had packed up and left for the summer. A summer of festivals and parties in the food truck with Holly in tow. It had been Robert’s idea for Aaron and Liv to spend the summer with him here, almost a trial run before they bought their own place. Aaron had hit his arm and called him a soppy old man when he’d suggested it but Robert had known what this step forward meant to Aaron as they’d made love on the first night here, Liv sleeping peacefully in the room down the hall. 

This was the life Robert had needed without even knowing he wanted it. 

Robert leaned forward plucking the earphones from Liv’s ears, popping one in his own to hear the gentle murmurings of ‘Black Magic’ drifting through. 

“Oi.” Liv called, annoyed and partly embarrassed. 

Robert grinned, nudging her shoulder with his own and she grinned back, sharing their own little joke. It hadn’t always been like this. It had been a long journey. Struggling not to snipe at each other, to open up when everything in them told them to shut down. Robert and Liv were more similar than they would ever admit. Aaron leant against the kitchen counter, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth as he watched them together, the toast lay forgotten. His heart swelled as he watched him with her. He’d never imagined that this Robert existed. Liv brought out a side of Robert that Aaron hadn’t even found yet. And he found himself falling more in love with Robert every day. 

With Liv, Robert was silly and sarcastic, childish and caring. Sweet in a way that made Aaron’s heart skip a beat because he knew he wasn’t doing it to please Aaron anymore, he did it because he loved Liv just as much as Aaron did. Robert looked up at him suddenly, a carefree grin on his face, his blonde hair dashingly ruffled from sleep. Aaron held out a hand to him, pulling him in to his arms. 

“Ya hair’s a mess.” Aaron teased, aware of how self conscious Robert was about his appearance.

However Robert shrugged, tilting his head to the side. “You don’t think it looks sexy?” Robert flirted quietly.

Aaron bit his lip, fighting back a grin. He would always think Robert was the most gorgeous man he’d ever laid eyes on, nothing and no one could ever change that.

“Eww, I can hear everything you’re saying, you know? And please stop making those heart eyes at each other or I’m going to choke on my breakfast.” Liv muttered, rolling her eyes.

Robert sat down across from her at the kitchen table. “Oh Olivia, you’ll fall in love one day and then you’ll see how blue the sky can be and curse the butterflies fluttering up a frenzy inside you.” Robert teased, looking at Aaron dreamily.

Aaron hit him playfully as he shook his head, laughing. Liv rolled her eyes again, but Robert caught the slight smile upon her face as she quickly bit in to another slice of toast. Liv had never had a family. Not the kind of family that made her feel loved and wanted. But now she had Aaron. A brother who would love her and protect her always. And she had Robert. At first she’d just tolerated him to appease Aaron but now, well, she relied on Robert. She went to him when she had a problem. She never wanted to worry Aaron, she knew how hard his life had been and she never wanted to add to his struggles. So whenever she was scared or worried, she went to Robert. Robert didn’t laugh or pity her. He just listened and although she’d never admit it out loud, it helped, he helped.

“You’re gonna miss ya bus.” Aaron reminded her, already clearing away the plates in to the sink, making a mental note to wash them later. Victoria would never forgive them if she came home to a house full of dirty dishes and unwashed clothes. 

Liv huffed and made a show of grabbing her bag and dragging her feet towards the door. Since befriending Gabby and Jacob, she didn’t mind school, even enjoyed it. But she was still a teenager and sometimes you just had to act like one for the sake of it. As Liv reached the door, she looked back at Aaron and Robert, already sharing kisses and jokes about who was washing up tonight. Liv smiled, this was home.

“See you tonight.” Liv called, as she opened the door, raising her hand behind her to acknowledge the goodbyes shouted by Aaron and Robert.

Life was simple, easy. And Liv was happier than she’d ever been. 

“It’s your turn.” Aaron stated, shaking his head determinedly.

Robert rubbed his nose against Aaron’s, their lips brushing slightly. Aaron closed his eyes, leaning closer, waiting for Robert. As the seconds passed, Aaron opened his eyes, frowning in confusion as he saw Robert just staring at him.

“What?” Aaron asked.

“Aren’t I allowed to just look at my boyfriend?” Robert asked in mock outrage.

Aaron shook his head, laughing. Robert could be so ridiculous sometime. “You’re mad, mate.” 

“Mate, eh?” Robert grinned, before crashing their lips together.

Aaron gasped as Robert’s lips met his. Even after all this time, Robert still stole his breath with each kiss. Aaron’s arms slid around Robert’s waist pulling him closer, as Robert’s hands cupped his face. As he moaned, Robert eagerly deepened the kiss, exploring Aaron’s mouth with his tongue. Aaron’s hand slid under Robert’s shirt, rubbing circles against his hip bone.

Suddenly the moment was interrupted by the sound of a long ringing; Robert’s phone. Aaron held him tighter, as Robert broke the kiss. 

“Just ignore it.” Aaron whispered, kissing Robert’s neck.

Robert laughed, batting him away. “I can’t, it might be work.”

Aaron pouted, crossing his arms as he watched Robert pick up the phone, smirking at Aaron’s sulking. 

“Hello.” Robert said. “Oh hi Bernice.”

Aaron stood up straighter as he heard Robert’s side of the conversation, furrowing his brow in confusion. Why would Bernice be ringing Robert? Maybe she needed help up at Home Farm now that Andy and Chrissie were away visiting the kids in France. Aaron rolled his eyes, the last thing he wanted was Robert being a puppet for the masters in the manor.

Robert listened silently to Bernice, his eyes widening in shock. He stumbled slightly, reaching out to grip the edge of the table. Aaron rushed to his side worriedly, helping him sit down in the nearest chair.

“Yeah, I’m still here.” Robert murmured through the phone staring blankly ahead.

Aaron knelt next to him, placing his hands on Robert’s knees, watching him anxiously. What was going on? What was Bernice saying?

“Yeah, I’ll come right now. Honestly, it’s fine, I’m glad you called.” Robert said, muttering a goodbye before hanging up, the phone resting loosely between his hands.

“Robert.” Aaron whispered.

“It’s Lachlan.” Robert said quietly.

“What about him?” Aaron asked, puzzled.

“He tried…” Robert began, before placing his head in his hands, shivering.

“Rob.” Aaron encouraged him, placing a comforting hand on his back.

“He tried to kill himself, Aaron.” Robert’s admission burst out loudly in the quiet kitchen, seeming to echo around them.

Aaron inhaled sharply, shocked, memories of his own struggles crawling their way back in to his head. He remembered the darkness that had once surrounded him, and it pained him to imagine anyone else going through that. He stood up, holding his hand out for Robert. Silently, they put on their coats, leaving the house, closing the door on their simple life. 

Once at the hospital, Bernice rushed over to Robert’s side. Her eyes were red, her cheeks flushed. Her hair tied back untidily in a bun.

“Robert, I didn’t know who else to call. Chrissie’s in France, Lawrence is on that business trip. He can’t get back until tomorrow and Donny, well he seems to have disappeared. Chrissie can’t even get ahold of him. She’s trying to get a flight home as soon as she can.” Bernice said, her words tumbling over themselves.

“It’s okay, Bernice. Here let’s sit down.” Aaron said gently, guiding her to a plastic hospital chair.

Bernice nodded, tears spilling down her face, as she collapsed in to the chair. She stared down at the floor.

“I was supposed to be looking after him. But I just found him there in his bedroom, and he wouldn’t move. I didn’t know if he was breathing.” Bernice sobbed, pressing a hand to her mouth.

Robert could hear Aaron behind him, muttering words of comfort to Bernice, reassuring her that it wasn’t her fault, that she’d done all she could. But all Robert could focus on was the sight of Lachlan, separated by a thin sheet of glass, lying on the hospital bed. Robert stared at him through the window, hooked up to machines, wires emerging from various parts of his body. A lump formed in his throat, this was his fault. He’d torn Lachlan’s life apart when he’d cheated on Chrissie.

He’d cheated and lied, schemed and plotted. And then he’d just walked away with no regard for the people he was leaving behind. No thought of the fragile, messed up teenage boy he’d let down. As he stared helplessly at Lachlan, for the first time in his life he prayed to anyone that would listen, to anyone that could possibly help. He prayed for Lachlan to be okay and promised that he’d make it right. This time he wouldn’t let him down.


	2. It's the Same Old Constellation. (Same Old Situation.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guilt continues to surround Robert as he apologises to Lachlan for the mistakes he's made. Can Robert make Lachlan see that a second chance can make all the difference to a broken man?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy about all the lovely comments I've had for this story so far and I'm so glad people are interested in seeing where this fic goes. I love writing about the different characters and showing Robert and Aaron interacting with different people. There's still a lot more to come so bookmark or subscribe!
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and leave comments to let me know what you think <3
> 
> Title taken from the song Constellations by Tom Odell. I really wanted to include a lot of musical inspiration in this fic because Lachlan seems like a character that is quite isolated and uses music to fill that silence. Therefore each chapter title will be taken from a different song.
> 
> The part in italics is a flashback to the night Lachlan attempted suicide.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of attempted suicide.

Lachlan lay back against the pillows, the steady beating of the heart machine a constant reminder of his failure. He squeezed his eyes shut as he heard someone approaching, pretending to be asleep. He didn’t want to see anyone, didn’t want to explain. 

He tried to lay still, breathing steadily as the footsteps stopped next to the bed. How long had he been unconscious? Maybe his mum was back from France, or maybe she hadn’t bothered. Maybe she didn’t care, maybe she’d even have been a little bit relieved if he’d died.

“God, look at him Aaron.” Robert whispered, staring down at Lachlan’s pale sleeping body.

Lachlan fought the urge to open his eyes in surprise. Why was Robert here? They hated each other. Lachlan thought back on when he’d first moved to Emmerdale, that had been where it’d all gone wrong. Moving here, meeting Belle, Robert cheating. It was just an endless cycle of empty days and people who would let him down.

“The doctor said he was doing better.” Aaron tried to reassure Robert.

Lachlan clenched his fists under the bedsheets. How could Robert have brought him here? Aaron was the person who had ruined their family. The person who had taken Robert from his mum. Chrissie had been happy before, with Robert. Now she was erratic, sad and lonely one minute, declaring her love for Andy the next before ignoring everyone to focus on finding her biological father. Lachlan wondered if she’d even notice if he just disappeared and never came back.

“Better?” Robert snapped. “He tried to kill himself, Aaron. You of all people should know how messed up he is.”

“Oh so just because I tried to top myself I’m suddenly an expert on the matter?” Aaron stormed.

Lachlan heard the anger in his voice and opened his eyes slightly to peek at them. Robert’s usually impeccable appearance was now lined with worry upon his face. Aaron had turned his back on Robert, staring intently at the heart monitor, perhaps thinking of how close his own heart had once come to stopping.

“Aaron.” Robert whispered, reaching out for him. “I’m sorry.”

Lachlan watched as Aaron relented, turning around to pull Robert in to his arms. “I know.”

Robert rested his head against Aaron’s neck, both of them lost in the moment, completely oblivious to the boy laying on the bed next to them. “It’s my fault.” Robert murmured, his voice breaking.

Lachlan watched them sway together, heard Aaron whispering words of comfort, rubbing Robert’s back. How could he hate them? There were in love. Wasn’t that what Lachlan wanted? Wasn’t it love that had led him here, to this hospital bed?

_Waking up, alone, unloved, another day for Lachlan. Dirty plates next to the bed, discarded clothes littering the floor. But he was used to it, almost didn’t feel it anymore. Somedays he didn’t feel anything. Other days, his skin seemed to buzz with an unexplainable longing to be alive. For someone to notice him. He didn’t know which was better; feeling nothing or feeling everything._

_That day Lachlan had slumped downstairs, dressed in a hoodie and skinny jeans, headphones around his neck. He lived in a castle. That’s how it felt. Like a rodent scrambling around for any place to hide in a fortified castle. No one wanted him here. Bernice glanced at him vaguely before muttering about going to work, she’d left money on the side._

_Money, the White’s answer to everything. But money didn’t make Chrissie happy, it didn’t make Robert stay, it didn’t stop Lawrence from being gay. You couldn’t change anything with money, it just masked the issues. It had never once helped to quell the feeling of loneliness crawling around inside Lachlan. It had only made everything worse. ___

__Meanwhile outside the hospital room Bernice stood against the wall, staring blankly ahead. She’d always been a terrible mother. She hadn’t seen the signs, hadn’t cared enough. Maybe she’d been part of the problem. Maybe Lachlan hated her for making his Grandfather stay away, she just couldn’t face him. Months had passed and Lawrence went from one business trip to another, barely spending any time at home, unable to look at each other for more than a few moments. Every second together filled with unspoken questions and accusations. She’d kept Lawrence away from his fragile grandson, for what?_ _

__A tear trickled down Bernice’s face as an image of Gabby flashed before her eyes. Just a teenager. It could have been Gabby in there. She should have done more._ _

__Just then, Robert and Aaron emerged from the hospital room, their hands entwined. Robert looked worse than Bernice had ever seen him, her own guilt reflected back to her in Robert’s own eyes. He felt it too, they’d failed him._ _

__“He’s sleeping.” Aaron told her._ _

__Bernice nodded._ _

__“Liv’ll be home soon, one of us should be there to explain.” Aaron said, looking at Robert._ _

__Robert nodded, straightening his back to show Aaron that he was strong enough to be alone. Aaron gave him all the strength he needed._ _

__“I’ll have Gabby round for dinner, if ya want?” Aaron asked Bernice, cautiously._ _

__Bernice nodded, lips pursed, unable to speak._ _

__Aaron turned to Robert, showing his back to Bernice to try and give them some semblance of privacy. His hand reached out to hold Robert’s sleeve._ _

__“You’ll be okay?” Aaron asked._ _

__Robert nodded, before leaning down to press his lips to Aaron’s. It wasn’t heated or passionate, it wasn’t loving and soft. It was firm, a kiss that said give me your courage, give me your heart, give me your strength to get me through this. Aaron complied, letting Robert kiss him for as long as he needed to._ _

__Eventually Robert broke apart, taking in a shuddering breath. After Aaron had left, Robert took a seat next to Bernice in the waiting room, both of them silent, unable to find the words to breach the conversation they knew they needed to have._ _

__“How…” Robert began, before pausing to take a breath. “How did you find him?”_ _

__Bernice closed her eyes, seeing the image before her as if she was back in that room. Posters on the wall, peeling at the corners. The walls painted a dark midnight blue, planets and constellations dangling from the ceiling, which even then had surprised Bernice. She didn’t know he was interested in astronomy. She had paused for a moment in the doorway realising that she didn’t know anything at all about Lachlan. Only what they whispered in the streets; psycho, pervert, sick. She had lived with him and yet she’d never once thought of him as part of her life, as part of her family._ _

__She’d glanced at the bed, a shapeless, unmoving lump under the covers. She’d watched him for a moment, wondering if to just leave him sleeping. Her mind was already on other things; the paperwork she had to finish, that email she had to send. However her feet had carried her, by their own accord, to the side of Lachlan’s bed. Her carefully manicured hand reached down to lift the edge of the duvet. She’d never forget the sight of that lifeless, teenage boy lying in a pool of his own vomit until the day she died._ _

__“I don’t know what happened.” Bernice stuttered._ _

__She didn’t remember him coming home that night, she didn’t remember him going out at all._ _

__“When will Chrissie be here?” Robert asked._ _

__Bernice set up straighter, this was something she could do. She could organise, plan. “Chrissie will be back tomorrow. Lawrence should make it home by tonight, he’ll come straight here.” Bernice told Robert, her hand already reaching for her phone to check the exact times._ _

__Robert reached out to lay his hand against her arm, staring pleadingly in to her eyes. “How could he do this?” Robert asked, as his eyes said _tell me this isn’t my fault. _____

____“I don’t know.” Bernice answered as her eyes replied, _all our fault. _____ _ _

______Robert closed his eyes, sinking back against the hard, plastic seat. They stayed like that, sitting, staring, stewing in their own guilt._ _ _ _ _ _

______Back in the village Aaron paced the kitchen, restless. He didn’t want to think about Lachlan, but all he could see when he closed his eyes was a young man desperate to end it all. He didn’t know if the boy he could see was Lachlan or himself. Suddenly Liv crashed through the front door, Gabby behind her._ _ _ _ _ _

______“He wasn’t looking at me.” Liv laughed, rolling her eyes._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, he so was. He was practically drooling over you.” Gabby teased._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Shut up.” Liv protested._ _ _ _ _ _

______The girls burst through the kitchen, giggling before noticing Aaron. They froze immediately, feeling the tension in the air. Aaron ran a hand through his hair, he wasn’t ready for this, wasn’t ready to remember all of the things he’d tried so hard to forget._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What’s wrong, Aaron?” Liv asked._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sit down, both of you.” Aaron said, gesturing to the table._ _ _ _ _ _

______Liv glanced at Gabby, what was this about? Maybe Aaron had found out that they’d stayed out drinking cheap cider at the park with those boys from school when they’d promised they’d been at a friend’s house studying for school. Or maybe it was about that day they skipped school to go shopping in Hotton._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s Lachlan.” Aaron began._ _ _ _ _ _

______Liv furrowed her brow, trying to remember, before placing him. Lachlan; the creep who lived with Gabby. The one who sulked through the shadows of the house, barely noticed. Why would she care about anything to do with him?_ _ _ _ _ _

______“He tried to kill himself.” Aaron let out._ _ _ _ _ _

______Liv heard Gabby gasp next to her, raising her hand to her mouth. Liv looked at her, took in the tears flowing down Gabby’s face. Liv looked at Aaron, noticed the worry and anguish lining his face. She looked at her own reflection staring back at her from the sparkling clean oven door, she looked blank. How was she supposed to feel? She didn’t know him._ _ _ _ _ _

______At the hospital, it was quiet, nurses walked through the halls, checking on sleeping patients. Bernice had gone home some time ago. Robert sat next to Lachlan’s bed, his foot tapping nervously against the linoleum floor. He didn’t know what to do, what to say. He stood up, turning towards the door before stopping. Lachlan was asleep, he’d never hear what Robert had to say but somethings just had to be said even if they weren’t heard. Robert turned around to look down at Lachlan._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I let you down, Lachlan.” Robert began. “Gave up our chance to be a family and I can’t be sorry for that because I love him. I love him so much it hurts. But what I did to your mum and you, I know you can’t ever forgive that. But the worse part of it all was just walking away from you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Robert inhaled sharply, his words shaky, his lip quivering._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I was a coward. I ran away from so many things, but I never should have ran away from you. I should have been there, I should have stopped them when I heard people talking about you. I should have made you realise that it’s never too late to change if someone gives you a chance.” Robert explained, tears spilling from his eyes as he realised how much truth was in his words._ _ _ _ _ _

______Aaron had given him that chance, the chance to be a better man. Who'd been there to give Lachlan that same chance?_ _ _ _ _ _

______Turning away, Robert left the room, as Lachlan opened his eyes, watching Robert walk away. Robert’s words turning over and over in his head._ _ _ _ _ _

______Aaron sat in the dark, in Keeper’s Cottage, a cup of tea between his hands as he waited for Robert to come home. Liv had gone to bed soon after Bernice had arrived to collect Gabby. She’d seemed distant, unreachable but Aaron had found he didn’t have the strength to push her for answers and feelings tonight._ _ _ _ _ _

______Just then, Aaron heard the front door open and close as Robert entered the kitchen. His shirt untucked, his hair sticking up at odd angles. One glance was all it took for Aaron to see everything. The guilt, the hurt, the pain. He stood up quickly, catching Robert as he collapsed against him, burying his head against Aaron’s neck, clinging to him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I love you.” Robert whispered, his voice thick with tears._ _ _ _ _ _

______Aaron soothed him, hugging him tighter, holding him together._ _ _ _ _ _


	3. Find Myself At Your Door.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Lachlan goes missing from the hospital will anyone be able to find him before it's too late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the people who have been reading this so far and especially to everyone that has commented. I love hearing your ideas and thoughts. There's not a lot of Aaron in this chapter but the next chapter will definitely focus a lot more on how Aaron feels about Lachlan and the situation. 
> 
> The part in italics is a flashback to the night Lachlan tried to kill himself.
> 
> Chapter title taken from the song The Last Time by Taylor Swift (feat Gary Lightbody). 
> 
> Kudos are always appreciated and let me know what you think of the story so far in the comments <3

Lachlan lay in the dark, the metallic, medicinal smell of the hospital drifting around the room. It was hot, the sweat soaked sheets clinging to him. But still he shivered. She turned up that night and Lachlan didn’t wonder how she’d got in after visiting hours. He knew she could do anything she set her mind to. 

“Hey.” she spoke quietly as she leant against the door frame, her blonde hair cascading down her shoulders like liquid gold.

Lachlan looked at her, taking in her blue eyes, pitying him. The graceful way she stood, her red lips. He turned away. If you looked at the sun, you were bound to get burnt.

He could feel her moving further in to the room, closer to him. He both wanted her presence and hated it at the same time. He’d waited for her, waited so long for her.

_After Bernice had left, Lachlan had sat, staring blankly at the television screen. Men in suits arguing, women pouting and posing, a gorilla being shot. Each channel, each different show made Lachlan’s head spin. They all seemed to blur together, overlapping each other until they became a documentary on life. The desperate pain of living._

_Suddenly his phone had rang out, loud and filling the room with its urgency. Lachlan had glanced down, trying to ignore the pounding of his heart as her name flashed across the screen. His hand shot out to answer it. So this was what it felt like to be alive._

_“Hey.” she had said, quietly._

_Lachlan could hear the tears in her voice and his heart clenched in fear. If Bailey had hurt her…_

_“You alright?” Lachlan asked, trying to sound nonchalant. He always sounded nonchalant, melancholy, as if he didn’t care. But he cared._

_“I’ve been so stupid, you’ve were right.” she sobbed down the phone._

_Lachlan inhaled sharply. Had she left Bailey? Lachlan felt an unexplainable urge to be there, to hold her, to protect her from the terrible world they lived in. The kind of world that would let a beautiful, strong young woman go through so much pain in such a short life._

_“Meet me.” Lachlan had suggested, his heart beating wildly as he’d waited for her reply, putting himself at the risk of rejection once more for her. Always for her._

_After a moments silence, she’d agreed, telling him to meet her at the abandoned barn, near Moira’s house. She didn’t want to see anyone, just him and her. His breathing had shallowed at that point. She’d wanted to see him, just him. She trusted him, no one had ever done that._

_He’d gone there, waiting in that barn for hours, his heart beating in anticipation at first before almost stilling to a deadly stop as the minutes turned to hours. He lay back in the hay, staring up at the ceiling, longing for it all to burn to the ground with him in. He didn’t know how long he’d been there. He raised a hand to his face. It was wet with tears he didn’t remember shedding. ___

__“Lachlan.” she whispered, her hand resting on the bed, so close to his._ _

__He closed his eyes, willing her to disappear, willing himself to disappear, to just cease existing. He bit down hard on his lip, forcing the tears away. He wouldn’t show her what he felt._ _

__“I’m sorry I didn’t turn up.” she said, her voice catching, breaking.  
Lachlan shrugged his shoulders, looking at her. “Doesn’t matter.” he muttered. “I don’t care.” his lips said as his eyes screamed, I care._ _

__Her eyes fluttered shut as she saw his silent admission. Guilt settled in her heart as she thought about the part she’d played in this. Always using him, always keeping him dangling close, but never close enough to touch._ _

__Her hand reached out to hold his, and his heart seemed to explode in his chest at the touch. This was living, holding the hand of a beautiful girl. Lachlan tried to forget about the situation, forget about the hospital with its beeping machines, and just focus on this moment. He allowed himself to feel it, feel everything._ _

__And then he let go, turning away. “You should go.” he said._ _

__She stared at him silently, before turning away. Lachlan watched her go, her hair swinging slightly, the smell of her perfume still lingering in the air. He fought the urge to call after her, to plead with her to love him. He didn’t deserve it. But he felt it. I love you Belle Dingle, Lachlan thought as she disappeared out of the door, never looking back._ _

__At Keeper’s Cottage, Robert awoke in the morning with Aaron’s arm around his waist, his head resting on Robert’s chest. Robert pulled him closer, pressing a kiss to his head. He wanted to lay here forever, safe and loved. But he knew at any moment Aaron would wake up, groaning as he stretched and they’d have to face the day ahead of them._ _

__“How did you sleep?” Aaron said suddenly, his voice muffled against Robert’s chest._ _

__Robert shrugged. He’d laid awake for hours, just listening to the sound of Aaron’s breathing; in and out._ _

__His hand traced a lazy pattern across Aaron’s back. “I slept fine.” he lied._ _

__Aaron looked up at him, his eyes reading every lie. He pressed a slow, soft kiss against Robert’s mouth. But it wasn’t enough, it was never enough._ _

__Robert cupped Aaron’s face, his tongue frantically deepening the kiss. He wanted to forget for just a while, to forget that he’d been a liar, a cheater. To show himself that it was worth it, it was worth everything just to be here now with Aaron._ _

__Aaron gasped as Robert’s mouth moved lowed, planting kisses against his jaw until he reached his neck. He lifted his hand up to Robert’s head, to hold him closer, to feel his hair under his fingertips. Aaron’s head was thrown back against the pillows in bliss. Suddenly the door shot open, as Liv entered. Robert rolled away from him at lightening speeds as Aaron pulled the covers quickly over his scarred chest._ _

__“Eww, I think my eyes are burning.” Liv squealed._ _

__“Never heard of knocking, eh?” Aaron fumed, glaring at Liv._ _

__“Phone’s for you.” Liv said, holding the phone out to Robert._ _

__Robert took the phone listening to the person on the other end. He could vaguely hear Aaron and Liv arguing in the background._ _

__“Liv, you have to knock before entering a room, okay?” Aaron said, firmly._ _

__“Yeah, yeah.” Liv replied, rolling her eyes._ _

__On the phone, Robert murmured a reply before hanging up. He sat there, shocked._ _

__“What’s up?” Liv asked, suddenly noticing Robert’s expression._ _

__Aaron turned to him quickly, placing a hand on his arm._ _

__“Lachlan’s gone missing from the hospital. Just walked right out of there. That was Chrissie, she’s going crazy.” Robert explained._ _

__Aaron wrapped his arms around Robert, squeezing him tightly as Liv fought the urge to roll her eyes. Why did everyone care about that spoilt brat all of a sudden? From what Liv had heard, he was weird, a sex offender, a freak. Maybe he was better off dead._ _

__Lachlan wandered the streets of the village, keeping to the shadows, his beanie pulled down low over his ears. He could see David’s shop, standing there. He’d been a part of something there once, had people who cared. But he’d ruined it, distorted it. Like everything else._ _

__The cafe, and all the endless hours he’d spent in their alone. The pub, and the family dinners they’d had when he’d thought everything might be okay, when he’d thought they’d finally found a home where he could be happy._ _

__Lachlan stumbled along, his head drowsy from the pain killers, only vaguely aware of where he was going. He ended up around the back of the pub, sat amongst the rubbish, back against the wall, head in his hands._ _

__All of sudden, he heard a shout and was surprised to find someone sprawled in his lap. She jumped up quickly, a scowl on her face._ _

__“What the hell are you doing here, you freak?” Liv snarled, glaring down at the boy who’s feet she had just tripped over._ _

__Aaron and Robert had told her to go to the pub after school, to have dinner with Chas, while they were out looking for Lachlan. But surprisingly, she’d been the one to find him._ _

__Lachlan shrugged, shivering in the cold air. He looked up, noticing the dark evening sky for the first time. How long had he been sat there? He stared up at her, her face glaring at him in disgust. He vaguely remembered her being at Home Farm with Gabby, Lily or something._ _

__“Everyone’s looking for you.” Liv told him._ _

__“Are you gonna tell them I’m here?” Lachlan asked._ _

__Liv looked at him before shrugging. “Why would I care?”_ _

__Lachlan looked at her in surprise, she was the first person who had been honest enough to admit they didn’t care about him. No lies, no false pretences, just the truth. It was oddly refreshing._ _

__“Is it true you tried to kill yourself? Is it because you're a pervert?” Liv asked._ _

__Lachlan stared at her wide eyed, she was honest, unnervingly honest._ _

__“Maybe.” Lachlan found himself saying._ _

__“Some people don’t deserve help.” Liv said, thinking of her father._ _

__She looked at him one last time before opening the back door to the pub and disappearing. Lachlan stared at the empty place where she had stood._ _

__That night, Robert, Aaron and Liv sat around the kitchen table, cups of hot chocolate in their hands as they listened to the rain crashing against the windows outside. The storm had come suddenly. The rain turning from a gentle downfall to a torrential downpour. Robert chewed his lip anxiously._ _

__“What if he’s out there in that? I can’t just sit here.” Robert said, looking at Aaron._ _

__Liv stared down into her mug, she hadn’t mentioned that she’d seen Lachlan and now it seemed too late. She felt strange, worried even. But that was ridiculous. Why would she be worried about a boy she barely knew? However she couldn’t rid her mind of the image of the broken, lost boy sat amongst the bins outside the pub._ _

__Aaron reached out his hand to hold Robert’s, gently rubbing circles in to the back of his hand, comfortingly. “We’ll never find him in that, Rob. We just have to hope he’s okay. He’s smart, he’ll have found somewhere to stay.”_ _

__“Where?” Robert stormed. “He has no friends, nobody. Who could he possibly be staying with?”_ _

__Aaron looked tired. “I’m not fighting with you, Robert. I’m just saying it’s too dangerous to drive around in that.”_ _

__“Aaron…” Liv whispered quietly, preparing to come clean, however Robert and Aaron were arguing too loudly to hear her._ _

__Suddenly the doorbell rang, Liv looked at Aaron and Robert but they seemed to have not heard. She stood up quietly, walking towards the door. As she opened it, the cold air hit her as she stared ahead at the sight of a shivering, drenched child. He looked up, it was Lachlan._ _

__“Do I deserve help?” he whispered so quietly that Liv would stay awake all night wondering if she’d imagined it._ _

__They stared at each other, as the rain fell around them. Behind him was a storm, a life of regret and pain. But before him was a warm house, a chance to put things right, to be different. If only someone believed, if only someone let him try._ _

__All of a sudden Liv was pushed out of the way as Robert pulled Lachlan inside, Aaron quickly throwing a blanket around his shoulders. Robert sat him on the sofa, whispering quietly to him as Aaron bustled around in the kitchen making Lachlan something hot to stop him shivering with cold._ _

__Liv stood at the door, staring out in to the torrential downpour, thinking about Lachlan’s words. Did he deserve help? And at what point did someone stop deserving a second chance, and who got to decide?_ _


	4. Give Me One Good Reason Why I Should Never Make a Change?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the village lays silent in the dead of night, the villagers find themselves reflecting on Lachlan's attempted suicide and the part they played in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has left kudos and comments. Your lovely comments really mean so much to me and really encourage me to keep writing.
> 
> For this chapter I really wanted to focus on the character's inner feelings about Lachlan's suicide attempt therefore I chose to set it at the night time in that moment before you fall to sleep, when you lay awake thinking, feeling like you're the only person in the world that's awake. But in reality there's so many people who are awake thinking about their own thoughts, worries and fears. So I hope that comes across in this chapter.
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> The part in italics is a flashback to the night of Lachlan's suicide attempt.
> 
> Title taken from the song Budapest by George Ezra.

Aaron stared ahead into the darkness, his back, aching, against the headrest of the bed where he’d spent all night sitting up, eyes wide, ears alert. He knew deep down that he was being irrational but he couldn’t stop the fear running through him or the memories that Lachlan’s appearance evoked within him. He was a sex offender. He was sleeping downstairs on the sofa. Aaron couldn’t sleep knowing that Lachlan could walk around the house in the dead of night, walk in to Liv’s room.

He remembered the sleepless nights he’d spent as a child, watching the door fearfully, praying that he wouldn’t hear the telltale creak of the loose wooden floor board outside his door which always alerted him to his father’s appearance.

Suddenly Robert turned towards him, squinting through tired eyes, noticing Aaron. He reached out a hand, resting it on Aaron’s arm.

“What’s wrong?” Robert murmured tiredly.

Aaron shrugged, avoiding Robert’s gaze.

Noticing the tension radiating from Aaron, Robert pushed himself up until he sat next to him, their arms pressed together.

“Talk to me.” Robert whispered in to the silence.

This was reminiscent of the nights during the trial when Aaron and Robert had sat awake all night, just talking until Aaron was able to drift to sleep, safe with Robert. But how could Aaron explain that he didn’t want Lachlan in the house, that he didn’t trust him?

Robert waited, giving Aaron time before he answered. However when Aaron remained silent, Robert slid his hand in to his, entwining their fingers, giving Aaron the support he needed to talk.

“It’s Lachlan.” Aaron whispered.

Robert nodded slowly, he should have expected this. He knew what Lachlan was but he’d also known him at 13 years old before they moved to the village, when they’d play X-Box for hours and ordered pizza for dinner whenever Chrissie went away for business. He remembered that time, Lachlan had asked Robert to see the Headteacher at his posh school when he’d been in trouble for breaking that window and the Headteacher had wanted to see his dad. He’d thought that’s what he’d be one day, when he’d married Chrissie; Lachlan’s father. 

“What he did to Alicia was a mistake, Aaron.” Robert said cautiously.

Aaron snatched his hand back. “Oh, was she asking for it? Like I was asking for it off Gor…” Aaron broke off, unable to say the words.

“No, Aaron, no.” Robert pleaded, cupping Aaron’s face as he tried to pull away. “Look at me.”

Aaron relented, closing his eyes to Robert’s touch, a tear trickling down his face.

“It wasn’t your fault, okay? Say it to me.” Robert demanded, looking deeply in to Aaron’s blue eyes.

“It wasn’t my fault.” Aaron whispered, staring back at Robert, letting out a shuddering breath. 

Robert leaned forward to brush his lips lightly against Aaron’s before pulling back.

“I can’t just kick him out, Aaron. He tried to kill himself.” Robert said.

Aaron nodded, he knew Robert needed to do this and he wanted Lachlan to get the help he needed but he couldn’t be around to help with that. “I think me and Liv should go back to the pub until everything’s sorted.”

“No.” Robert said urgently, his eyes pleading with Aaron.

Aaron shook his head sadly. “I remember when I tried to…” Aaron began, unable to voice the words. “And well, I don’t want Lachlan to go through that alone but Liv has to be my priority. I can’t put her at risk with him here.”

“Do you think I’d let him stay if I thought for even one moment that he’d hurt Liv?” Robert demanded.

Aaron turned away, shaking his head. “Robert, I can’t. I just can’t be here with him.”

Robert stared at him, seeing the anguish on Aaron’s face. Nodding his head, unable to find the words to ask him to stay, Robert whispered quietly. “Don’t you think he deserves the chance to change?”

Aaron reminded silent, as they sat in the darkness, wrapped in Robert’s arms, as they spent their last night together in Keeper’s Cottage.

Meanwhile downstairs, Lachlan lay on the sofa, an old blanket of Victoria’s thrown around him. It was quiet. Although it wasn’t the kind of quiet that Lachlan had experienced at Home Farm, the kind of quiet that made him feel hollow, as if he was the only person in the world who was alive. Instead the silence at Keeper’s Cottage was comforting, with a slight buzzing coming from the radiators, as if the house was just resting before waking up to be filled with love and laughter once more.

For the first time, he felt comforted, content. He didn’t have all of his possessions, no extra clothes or his latest gadgets. All he had was this blanket. This blanket that had probably been used for watching movies on the sofa, to comfort someone when they were sick. Lachlan realised that a blanket quite possibly had far more happy memories than him.

It hadn’t been awkward at first because everyone had been too busy, jumping in to action. Robert had pulled Lachlan in to a one armed hug as he’d guided him to the sofa, reassuring him that everything was going to be okay while Aaron had made him hot soup and tea. It was only later, after he’d changed in to warm clothes that Lachlan had seen the looks. They’d been sat silently in the living room, all four of them, when Lachlan had noticed Aaron’s sharp glances, Robert’s pitying looks and Liv’s snarls. They didn’t want him here, he could see that. But he didn’t have anywhere else to go. 

As he lay on the sofa he realised sadly that even staying in a place where he was unwanted and hated was better than sleeping in that cold, lifeless stone mansion he called home. If a change of house could make a difference, didn’t he deserve the chance to change everything else?

Upstairs in Keeper’s Cottage, Liv lay in bed, her headphones pressed tightly against her ears as she tried to block out her thoughts with loud music. Ever since she’d seen Lachlan outside the pub, her skin had been tingling with confusion. She wanted to hate him, just like she’d wanted to hate her father. But she couldn’t. She’d seen how vulnerable and scared he was. She’d seen a lost boy where other’s saw a monster. 

Liv knew what it was like to feel lost, to feel unloved. And although she’d never admit it aloud, she knew she was lucky to have Aaron and Robert, even Chas. She couldn’t imagine how lonely Lachlan must have felt to try to kill himself. 

She’d made mistakes in her life, almost got Robert arrested. But she’d changed, she’d seen that Robert cared about her, she’d let herself care about him. If she’d changed, didn’t Lachlan deserve that same chance? 

Across the village at Home Farm Chrissie sat at her dressing table, staring at her reflection in the vanity mirror. Where had she gone wrong? She’d tried her best to do right by Lachlan, done all she could to keep him out of trouble after the situation with Alicia. The thought of what he’d done still made her shiver. How could her own son have done that?

She’d spent the day searching for her son after a flight home from France. Her heart had dropped when she’d gone to the hospital to find him gone. Fear had filled her at what he might do. Only for her to find out that Lachlan had gone to him; Robert. Robert who’d let them both down, who’d betrayed them, who’d left them. Part of Chrissie thought Lachlan had gone there just to spite her, to hurt her.

She’d argued with Robert over the phone, demanded that he bring Lachlan home. But for the first time in forever she’d heard genuine concern in Robert’s voice as he’d pleaded with her to leave Lachlan with him for the night. Everything inside Chrissie had fought the plea, urging her to tell Robert that Lachlan belonged with her, that she needed to see for herself that her son was okay. But she wanted what was best for him, so she’d reluctantly agreed, promising she’d be there first thing in the morning to see him.

Now, as the night dragged on, Chrissie stared blankly at the tears running down her face as question after question turned over in her mind. When had she become such a terrible mother? When had she failed her son? And most importantly was it too late for them both to change?

Down the corridor, Lawrence lay in bed, next to his wife, Bernice. She was his wife but they’d never been further away from each other. Lawrence thought of his grandson, so scared and so alone that he’d tried to take his own life. Lawrence clenched his eyes shut, wishing sleep would take him, however the relief never came. Why hadn’t he seen how much help Lachlan needed?

He’d been too preoccupied, too busy with his own life and his own problems to see what was right in front of him. Lachlan had needed help and he’d ignored it, ignored all the signs. Lawrence glanced across to stare at the back of Bernice, her frame rising and falling with each steady breath. He should have told her the truth, instead, now all he could do was lay in a bed with a wife who distrusted him because he was too scared, too set in his ways to change. But maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t too late to help his grandson change.

On the other side of the village, Belle curled under her tattered duvet she’d had for years. It was old, like everything else in the house. Tears stained her face and pillow as she clutched her childhood teddy bear to her chest tightly. She acted so grown up but in the dark, she still felt like a little girl, too scared and naive to understand the big wide world. She thought back to that night.

_She’d been on her way to meet Lachlan, her hair pulled back untidily. She didn’t care how she looked anymore, if Jermaine didn’t want her then what was the point? He’d been ignoring her calls all week and she’d finally realised. Lachlan’s words floating back to her, he was using her. He didn’t love her. All she wanted was to be loved, it was all she’d ever wanted._

_As she’d left the house after speaking to Lachlan, her mind had drifted to thoughts of him. He’d always been there, he’d always looked out for her, he’d always cared. Maybe he loved her and maybe in time she’d love him…_

_Suddenly her phone had rang, Jermaine’s name leaving her heart thumping inside her chest. Her hand hovered over the decline button, as she thought of all the times he’d ignored her for his wife. But she was weak. She answered the phone, pushing away thoughts of Lachlan. ___

__That night Belle had made a choice between Jermaine and Lachlan. She’d made a choice to leave Lachlan waiting, a choice that had nearly resulted in her losing her best friend, forever._ _


	5. Keep Making Me Laugh.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Aaron change his mind about helping Lachlan? And can anything convince Chrissie to let Lachlan stay at Keeper's Cottage?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that's left kudos and comments so far. I love hearing what you think. 
> 
> Title taken from the song Born To Die By Lana Del Rey.
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments and try guessing some of the things Lachlan needs to let go of in the next chapter in order to move on.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3

Aaron had lay awake hours after Robert had fallen to sleep, staring up at the ceiling. As the clock stuck 5am, Aaron swung his legs out of the bed, knowing sleep wouldn’t come for him tonight. Moving downstairs, Aaron turned the tap on to pour himself a glass of water. He sipped from the glass, wishing he could as easily wash away the memories that still haunted him.

“Hey.” someone whispered quietly behind Aaron.

Aaron jumped in surprise, the glass clattering in to the sink, shattering in to jagged, sharp pieces. Aaron turned around quickly, his eyes falling upon Lachlan, standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“What the hell are ya doing sneakin’ up on me?” Aaron snarled.

“Sorry.” Lachlan bristled, rolling his eyes.

He didn’t know why he’d thought it could be different here, Aaron hated him. He’d never let him stay. Lachlan sat down at the kitchen table, staring down at the mahogany wood. Aaron stood watching him, silently. His head urged him to leave the room, to walk away. But he knew he still regretted never getting the chance to hear Gordon’s words before he died. Maybe he owed it to himself to hear what Lachlan had to say.

Taking a deep breath, Aaron sat down across from Lachlan, blue eyes meeting blue eyes. A lost boy staring at a lost man, a man staring at the teenager he used to be; damaged, unloved, abandoned. A victim facing a predator. 

“Why did ya come here?” Aaron asked.

Lachlan shrugged, before deciding to answer the question. “I had no where else, and I couldn’t go back to that place.”

Aaron watched as Lachlan seemed to shiver, growing smaller. “I can’t let Liv stay here with you.” Aaron said bluntly, he wouldn’t let himself feel sorry for a sex offender.

Lachlan nodded, slowly. He understood, but it didn’t stop the truth from hurting, worming its way in to his heart. Lachlan chewed at his lip, his cheeks growing red with the overwhelming urge to defend himself, to scream, to cry. 

“I wouldn’t.” Lachlan told him, his voice shaking.

“How could I trust ya?” Aaron snarled angrily.

Lachlan let out a deep breath, his expression deflated, defeated. “I wouldn’t expect you to.”

They sat in silence, the minutes dragging on, before Aaron stood up, moving out of the room. Lachlan spoke just as he reached the doorway, his back to Lachlan.

“I still see the look on her face every time I close my eyes, the fear. She looked at me like I was a monster and I see that look on everyone’s face day after day, even on my mum’s.” Lachlan’s voice broke as he rubbed his eyes harshly. “How can I be anything else when that’s all anyone see’s? For just a moment though, I was free, floating above it all, leaving it all behind. And there was no one there judging me, hating me. It was just gone, all of it gone. And it was for the best because then mum could be happy, without me ruining everything.”

Aaron turned around sharply, leaning forward, threateningly, towards Lachlan. “What you did was selfish. You did it for yourself, because having to change was too hard and it hurt too much. Don’t pretend you did it for anyone but you.”

Aaron fled the house, slamming the door behind him, breathing in the morning air, wondering if his words were aimed at Lachlan or himself as he remembered his own mother’s heartbroken, tear stained face.

Lachlan stared after Aaron, his heart beating quickly in his chest. Part of him burned with anger, wanting to punch the walls, destroy the kitchen. But part of him, didn’t have the energy to stand. Aaron was right, he was selfish, he did it only to stop the hurt.

_Eventually he’d left the barn, accepting that Belle would not show that night. His eyes were red from crying, his heart aching inside his chest. Lonely, he was so unbearably lonely. He tried to remember if he’d spoken at all that day. As he made his way across the fields, voices drifted towards him. Moving closer to Moira’s house, Lachlan heard people talking, almost attracted by an overwhelming urge for human interaction, even if he wasn’t a part of it._

_“I don’t know why you don’t just dump him if he’s got a wife.” the first voice said._

_“He loves me.” someone replied and Lachlan would have known that voice anywhere._

_It was the same voice he played on repeat to himself as he lay in bed each night, thinking of her, always her. Belle._

_“Come on, tell me who it is?” the first voice begged._

_“I can’t Holly, I already told Lachlan and that’s caused so much trouble.” Belle told her, the annoyance clear in her voice._

_“You told that freak before me?” Holly said in outrage._

_Belle laughed, Holly’s laughter following shortly after, each note like a knife to Lachlan’s heart. It didn’t hurt so much to hear Holly’s insult, he’d heard them all before. But he’d always thought Belle was on his side, as a friend even if she didn’t love him. But as he stood there listening to her laughter, Lachlan had never felt so alone, so unloved. Lachlan had walked away, knowing he’d left his broken heart outside, on that dead patch of grass. ___

__Aaron shut the door after him as he entered Keeper’s Cottage, his hair laying flat with sweat after a long run. He unzipped his hoodie, pulling it off as Robert strode out of the kitchen, concern in his eyes._ _

__“I thought you’d already gone back to the pub. You’d gone when I woke up.” Robert said, anxiously._ _

__Aaron shrugged, moving passed Robert to the kitchen for a glass of water. With his back to Robert, Aaron said. “We’re not leaving anymore.”_ _

__“What?” Robert asked, shocked._ _

__“Ya heard me.” Aaron said, gulping down the cool water._ _

__Robert stared at Aaron, checking him over for any signs of harm or distress. He wouldn’t do this if it was going to cause Aaron to start hurting himself again. Aaron turned around to face Robert’s worried look. It annoyed him. But he knew Robert only worried because he cared and Aaron had given him so many reasons to worry._ _

__“I’m fine.” Aaron reassured him quietly._ _

__Robert moved closer wrapping his arms around Aaron’s waist. “What made you change your mind?”_ _

__Aaron shrugged. “We’ve all made mistakes.”_ _

__Robert smiled softly before leaning down to press a light kiss against Aaron’s lips, lingering and loving. “I love you.” Robert whispered, his forehead resting against’s Aaron’s._ _

__Aaron rolled his eyes. “Soft lad. Now get off me so I can shower.”_ _

__Robert raised his eyebrows suggestively, pressing himself against Aaron. “Fancy some company?”_ _

__Aaron grinned, grabbing Robert’s hand. He didn’t need asking twice._ _

__Meanwhile Lachlan sat in the living room, flicking through day time TV, channel after channel. Liv watched him from the doorway, he was weird._ _

__“Can’t you just stay on one show?” Liv fumed, grabbing the remote control from him as she joined Lachlan on the sofa._ _

__Her skin bristled as their arms touched, she moved further away. Part of her was scared of Lachlan, she knew what he’d done. Sensing her fear, Lachlan folded in on himself, scooting as far from her as he could._ _

__He shrugged his shoulders. “Never anything worth sticking with for too long.”_ _

__“Maybe you give up too easily.” Liv said, staring at the TV._ _

__Lachlan glanced at her from the corner of his eye. Were they still talking about the TV?_ _

__“Some shows just get too confusing and you find yourself wishing it’d just end.” Lachlan replied, staring down at his hands. He didn’t know why he was telling her all this._ _

__“Then you find a show that makes you laugh.” Liv told him, shaking her head as if it was the obvious answer. She flipped to The Simpsons._ _

__“What am I, 5?” Lachlan laughed._ _

__Liv looked in to his eyes for the first time. “Wasn’t it simple back then?”_ _

__His heart beat in his chest as he stared at her, feeling like she could see every part of him. The good and the bad, as if she wanted to look at all of the individual pieces. It made him uncomfortable. Turning away, they watched The Simpsons and for the first time in as long as Lachlan could remember, he laughed._ _

__Later, the doorbell rang and Robert popped his head around the living room door before answering it. A smile ghosted over his lips as his gaze fell upon Lachlan and Liv watching the TV in silence. Lachlan looked more relaxed than Robert had seen him since he’d shown up shivering on their doorstep._ _

__Robert took a deep breath before answering the door to face Chrissie. Opening the door, she stood before him, her face fixed in to a scowl._ _

__“Where is he?” Chrissie demanded._ _

__“He’s watching TV with Liv. Let’s talk in the kitchen.” Robert told her._ _

__“I want to see my son.” Chrissie demanded._ _

__“Please, Chrissie.” Robert pleaded._ _

__Chrissie nodded reluctantly, moving passed Robert towards the kitchen. Her scowl returned as she noticed Aaron leaning against the sink._ _

__“Well this is cozy. I suppose you’ve been discussing what a terrible mother I am.” her words intending to sound harsh but instead her voice broke slightly._ _

__“Chrissie, no one thinks this is your fault.” Robert assured her._ _

__“You’re right. It’s yours.” Chrissie snarled._ _

__“Well you haven’t been perfect either.” Robert snapped back, defensively._ _

__“Stop it, both of you.” Aaron said firmly._ _

__Chrissie and Robert turned to look at him, shocked. Aaron motioned to the kitchen table. “Sit down.” he said._ _

__Chrissie and Robert sat as Aaron busied himself making tea. It was easier to talk to them if he had his back to them, avoiding their stares. “Nothing anyone said could have changed what Lachlan did, and I know that better than anyone. You have to want to change, you have to want help. And I believe he does now, I don’t believe he wants to die. He wants what every young, troubled, messed up lad wants; a home, a family, acceptance.”_ _

__Aaron turned around, facing the gazes of Chrissie and Robert. “I think Lachlan should stay here with us for a while.”_ _

__Chrissie’s eyes widened in shock. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”_ _

__Aaron shrugged. “He doesn’t want to go back to Home Farm.”_ _

__Chrissie stood up abruptly, pointing a finger at Aaron. “Home Farm is his home, with his family.”_ _

__“Chrissie, just think about it.” Robert pleaded._ _

__Meanwhile in the living room, Liv and Lachlan sat, listening in to the conversation drifting through from the kitchen._ _

__“She’ll never let me stay, even if I wanted to.” Lachlan said, breaking the silence between them._ _

__“Do you want to?” Liv asked curiously._ _

__Lachlan shrugged. “What difference would it make?”_ _

__They stayed in silence for a few moments, Chrissie’s voice loud echoing loudly throughout the house._ _

__Suddenly Liv spoke. “When I moved here I realised that it wasn’t just about being with Aaron, it was about a new start. Letting go of everything from before. Maybe you need to let somethings go.” Liv suggested._ _

__Lachlan stared at her. How was it that she understood? Pulling out his phone, Lachlan sat a quick text message. “I have to go somewhere. Cover for me?” Lachlan asked, standing up._ _

__“Where are you going?” Liv asked._ _

__“Why would you care?” Lachlan asked, grinning down at Liv._ _

__Liv rolled her eyes, turning back towards the TV. “I don’t. Just don’t try to kill yourself again, or Robert will kill me.” Liv called after him._ _

__Lachlan laughed softly as he walked out of the front door, closing it quietly behind him. Maybe it was time to let go of a few things._ _


	6. Love Will Remember.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lachlan lets go of the mistakes of his past, in order to have the chance to move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've disappeared from the world of fan fiction over the past few weeks, so I'm really sorry to anyone who is reading any of my stories. I'll try my best to update them all over the next few days. I've had a lot on and really felt like updating 5 different fic's was just too hard, especially with writer's block. Hopefully I'm over that now though and I'll be back to updating all my fic's regularly. 
> 
> I hope you'll stick with this story, let me know what you think in the comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> Title taken from Love Will Remember by Selena Gomez.

Lachlan shuffled through the village, the wind pushing his hair back from his face. It felt good, reminded him what it was to be alive. He slowed to a stop across from David’s shop, concealed behind a bush. He could see David and Jacob, talking. Lazy smiles across their faces as they playfully fought. David grabbed Jacob’s football heading it across the village as Jacob laughed, shouting bye to his dad as he ran to catch the ball and his bus. 

It was something Lachlan had never had, something alien to him. A dad. Someone to love him, to protect him, to teach him what was right and wrong. David looked up suddenly catching sight of Lachlan. He frowned, before approaching him. Lachlan flinched further back, wishing he could disappear all together.

“I’ll never forgive you for what you did.” David snarled.

Lachlan nodded, fighting back his own defence mechanism to say something sarcastic. David shook his head, sadly. 

“I know what you did, and well, Alicia wouldn’t want that. All she wants is for you to know how wrong it was, for you to never do it again to anyone.” David said, urging Lachlan to understand.

Lachlan nodded, quickly wiping away a stray tear from his cheek. He’d cried more in the past few days than he had his whole life. Maybe it was what he needed, to wash himself clean, to wash away the mistakes of his past.

“I would never.” Lachlan whispered, the words catching in his throat.

David stared at him for a moment, perhaps comparing the boy in front of him to his own sweet, innocent son. Where did things go wrong for Lachlan? What made him the way he was? Somethings you’d never know, David decided, as he walked away, walked back to the shop, closing a chapter on that part of his life. He had to use all his strength to fight his cancer, to survive for Jacob. He couldn’t waste even an ounce of it on hating Lachlan.

Lachlan watched him walk away, feeling as if a small weight had been lifted from his chest. Maybe Liv was right, maybe this was exactly what he needed to do. He moved forward, his feet knowing their destination before his head.

Meanwhile back at Keeper’s Cottage Chrissie burst out of the kitchen, Robert and Aaron on her heels.

“Lachlan, get your stuff, we’re going home.” Chrissie shouted, before scanning the living room, her eyes widening as she realised Lachlan was gone.

She eyed Liv angrily. “Where’s he gone?”

Liv shrugged, nonchalantly, her eyes never leaving the TV screen. “Out.” she replied. Suddenly she felt her arms being gripped tightly, painfully. Chrissie shook her, shouting in her face.

“How could you just let him leave? You stupid, stupid girl.” Chrissie screamed hysterically.

“Oi.” Aaron shouted, pulling Chrissie off Liv.

Liv sank back on to the sofa, cowering in to the cushions, her heart hammering in her chest. Why was she causing herself so much trouble by covering for Lachlan? It’d be easier if she just told the truth.

Robert knelt down next to her, brushing her hair back from her face, gently. His eyes wide and pleading. “Just tell us anything you know, Olivia.”

Liv closed her eyes, she didn’t want to lie to Robert. But she wouldn’t betray Lachlan. She knew what it felt like to be betrayed. To be made a promise, only to find out it was worth nothing. She wouldn’t do that to anyone. Opening her eyes, Liv took in a shaky breath.

“I don’t know, and please get that crazy woman out of our house.” Liv huffed, turning back to the TV.

Robert watched her for a moment, studying her face, determining the truth. Liv kept her face still and calm, even as her heart pounded in her chest. Eventually Robert stood up, ushering Aaron and Chrissie out of the living room. Liv could hear them whispering in the hall, talking of all the places they could check, Chrissie’s tears echoing in the air. Liv bit her lip anxiously, hoping that Lachlan wouldn’t let her down, hoping that she wouldn’t live to regret her lie.

In the village, Lachlan wandered until he reached the B&B, stopping at the door to look up. The sky was blue, clouds hung in the air. They’d still have been there even if he’d died. It was a scary thought to realise that the world just carried on existing even when you didn’t. Suddenly the door opened and Lachlan found himself face to face with a furious Eric.

“Back to torture me some more? Wasn’t satisfied with stealing my wife’s wedding ring, eh?” Eric stormed, pushing Lachlan forcefully in the chest.

Lachlan landed with a thud on the ground, shockwaves spreading up from his hands. Eric looked down at Lachlan, pointing a finger at him threateningly. 

“You’re a piece of work. Stealing from my Val, how dare you show your face here?” Eric shouted, each word punctuated with a sharp jab to Lachlan’s chest.

Lachlan sat and withstood it, silently. Maybe this was what he deserved, maybe this was what he needed to hear. Just as suddenly as it had begun, Eric stopped, pausing to stare down at Lachlan. A pale young man, sprawled in the grass, flinching from Eric’s words. Eric cleared his throat, shaking his head. What was the point of holding on to all this anger? It had never brought Val back.

“Just get out of here, Lachlan.” Eric sighed.

Lachlan looked up at him for the first time, their eyes locking together. “I’m sorry.” Lachlan said, hoping to convey every ounce of remorse he felt.

Eric nodded sadly, before turning away, shutting the door on Lachlan.

Chrissie slammed the door as she left Keeper’s Cottage, the house seeming to shake behind her. Robert leant his head against the door, breathing heavily. He jumped slightly as a hand touched his back. Turning around, he looked at Aaron.

“He’ll be back.” Aaron assured him.

“How can you be sure?” Robert asked, running a head through his hair before rubbing his tired eyes.

Aaron shrugged, thinking back to his conversation with Lachlan at the kitchen table. He believed Lachlan wanted to change, and if they truly wanted him to then maybe they needed to trust him. Aaron moved closer, placing his hands on Robert’s hips.

“Just trust me.” he whispered, leaning closer, his breath causing Robert’s lips to tingle.

Robert let out a sigh before closing the gap between them, losing himself to the comfort of the man he loved. Each kiss, each taste of Aaron pushed Lachlan further from his mind. He was a selfish coward, he didn’t know how to help Lachlan. All he wanted was Aaron.

She was already there when Lachlan arrived at the bridge, leaning against the railing, her blonde hair rustling in the wind. Lachlan felt his heart clench painfully at the sight of her. How would he live without seeing those blue eyes? 

Taking a deep breath, Lachlan moved closer, standing beside her, looking out to the water. Belle looked towards him, the blazing blue of her eyes causing Lachlan to look away. How could you look at something so beautiful and know it would never be yours? 

“I got your text.” Belle spoke softly.

It was getting dark, Lachlan knew his mum would be worried, Robert would be angry. For a moment his thoughts wandered to Liv, he hoped she wouldn’t be in trouble. They stood in silence for another moment, watching the ripples in the water.

Suddenly Lachlan felt Belle slide her hand in to his and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. Maybe he could just pretend, keep pretending there was a chance she could ever love him.

“Lachlan.” Belle whispered.

Lachlan opened his eyes to look at her. Her eyes showed pity, concern, even understanding. But no love, never any love. 

Lachlan gripped her hand tighter, turning away to look at the water, it was easier to talk to the darkness. “I know what they say about me, Belle. And they have every right to. But you, you’re different. You’ve always been different for me. You’ve always been that one person that I thought could change me.” Lachlan explained.

“I can help you.” Belle pleaded.

Lachlan shook his head, refusing to look at her. If he looked at her now he’d agree to anything she said. He’d agree to be her friend no matter how much it hurt him. But he knew he couldn’t go on like that. It hurt too much. “I have to change myself, Belle. It’s not your problem.”

“But you’re my best friend.” Belle whispered, the words catching as she let out a sob.

Lachlan finally turned towards her, bringing up his shaking hands to cup her face. “You’re perfect, Belle. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different.”

Tears fell down Belle’s face as she looked in to Lachlan’s eyes, unable to see the monster they all claimed he was. All she saw was the sweet boy who loved her, who’d do anything to protect her. Leaning forward, Belle pressed her lips to Lachlan’s. Lachlan could taste tears in his mouth, although he didn’t know if they were hers or his. Eventually they broke apart, Lachlan’s mouth rising in a half smile. 

“Goodbye, Belle Dingle.” Lachlan whispered, looking at her for once last time, before walking away, letting go of the last piece of his old life.

He walked in to Keeper’s Cottage at almost midnight. Robert and Aaron were sat in the dark on the sofa. Robert stood up as soon as he caught sight of Lachlan.

“Where have you been?” Robert demanded. He didn’t know if to hit Lachlan or hug him.

Aaron rested a hand on Robert’s arm, warning him. Pushing Lachlan wouldn’t help, Aaron knew that. Aaron nodded at Lachlan. “You alright?”

Lachlan nodded back, looking at Aaron, a note of understanding passing between them.

“It’s late, we should all get some sleep.” Aaron suggested.

Lachlan nodded, before turning to walk up the stairs. Half way up, he paused, listening.

“What do we do with him, Aaron?” Robert asked hopelessly.

“We be there for him.” Aaron said.

“Really?” Lachlan heard Robert ask incredulously.

“He needs a family.” Aaron said simply.

Lachlan smiled before climbing the stairs to the spare room. As he passed Liv’s room, he noticed the door was open. She sat at her desk, her hair tied back, clicking away on her laptop. Lachlan knocked softly against the door. Liv spun round to face him, her eyes widening in surprise as she noticed Lachlan.

“Hey, thanks for covering for me.” Lachlan said, smiling.

Liv shrugged. “It was no big deal.”

Lachlan looked down before turning away. After a moment he paused, turning back to stare at her. “It was to me.” he said before walking down the hall, closing the door of the spare room.

Liv watched him walk away, her heart pounding in her chest. For the first time, she realised that her heart wasn't beating in fear. She wasn’t afraid of Lachlan. She was afraid of how much she’d already begun to care about him. Reaching up Liv traced a finger over her bottom lip where she’d made it bleed with her anxious chewing as she’d waited for Lachlan’s return. 

Standing up, Liv quickly shut her door, promising herself that she’d avoid Lachlan at all costs. She couldn’t fall in love with a monster.


End file.
